Hello. So there's like... erm... ONE MORE MONTH before UNI starts? And there's so many things to do:

Ah well... the memories are still there. I can't help it that my brain is so active even at this time of the night that random flashes of memories that I'd rather not have or keep still keep popping out. A person who looks like you. Someone who carried the same bag as you.

IF the only reason my application for NUS Scholarships was unsuccessful was because I didn't include some things (aka become kiasu) and also because I totally screwed the teacher's recommendations, I am going to...... UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH!!!!!!

Succeeded because:

1. It made me believe that NUS is a right choice.
2. It made me get rid of thinking that yellow house IC has an uncanny resemblance to someone who I'd rather not be reminded of everyday for five days.
3. I made a lot of great friends.

At this point of time, I feel so insecure about the world... I am not insecure about who I am but sometimes I feel insecure about how others would treat me based on what I represent. Because all of us represent an image, an idea. That's how people make first impression.

And how I wish someone told me this years ago...just to give me strength.

“ Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. you have to know that you’re a good person & a good friend. what’s meant to be will end up good & what isn’t, wont. relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you cant be the only one fighting. at times, people need to fight for you. if they don’t, you must just move on & realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. hopefully, people realize great things when they come around & don’t lose something real. always fight until you cant anymore, & then be fought for. "


___


I went for the official launch of Al-Mawrid library at Darul Arqam just now. As expected, even though I was invited as a guest, I had to help with last minute arrangements. This time, to tour the GOH who was Mr Zainal Abidin, around the library. I must say it was very VERY last minute and he speaks very well this mister. And the legion of people behind him was following closely. The MUIS guy was there too. So I just told them about the library. I don't think it was very good... could have told him more but Brother Meeran, Ustaz Omar, Maryam and Sufhyia were so impressed. Goodness, stop saying all that "saviour" stuff! hehehe.

I met an SMU Proffessor at the opening. He told us that SMU is going to open up a Islamic Law and Banking resouce centre in SMU. HEAR THAT JANNAH! haha :D Oh that sounds really cool. Andrew White. Professor Andrew White. How I really wanted to talk to him because guess what? He's a Muslim! Would you believe that? (well working at Arqam has taught me to be more open minded) And he brought these two adorable twins of his, Iris... and Andrew..the fourth! Nice... He told me how much Iris loves the rice and Andrew, the chicken at the buffet table. I was kicking myself inside cos I wanted to say that I'm going NUS soon but i just could. NOT. TWIST. my. MOUTH. OPEN. WHY? WHY? WHY? I bet he's researching on Islamic Law and Finance... ooh so cool. Maybe I should have went into Finance... ((urgh can't see myself in that direction))

I miss working there. It's like a condensed version of the world. A PhD Dr from Phillipenes, countless many people learning how to convert (though some just want to do it for the sake of human love, this I really am against), Muslims of countless race and nationalities and some are really beautiful beyond belief :D hehehe.. This is what I would like to do too. hahah :D but Arqam... needs to be changed. It took SIX months to make this official launch happen! I sincerely hope more people will come to the library. And you can photocopy books with your EX-LINK/CEPAS card! :D

Ah well... it's good to see my ideas taking shape, no matter how small.

And it's not nice that the mister did not thank me. HMPH. But since he talks so well and has a nice deep voice, I will forgive him.

It's gorgeous in High Definition.

You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.

Labels: insights, inspiration

My front teeth are starting to shift. GAH. I wish I had not taken out my four pre-molars. My mouth would look and feel fuller. I look like Barney. Yes, that purple dinosaur. I guess I need to take out my wisdom teeth soon... so when they begin to erupt again, they won't shift my current alignments. I think I could have been a pretty good dentist. HOHO.

1. It's supposedly Summer but this is the more cooling months I've felt in this country of mine.

1. Cook one meal for my family

You can order people around but you don't have to be condescending. How? Watch your tone. And when tone cannot be heard, choose your words carefully.

Take all the time you need to heal emotionally.
Moving on doesn’t take a day;
it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.

In his book, Trump: The Art of the Deal, Trump discusses his undergraduate career:

"After I graduated from the New York Military Academy in 1964, I flirted briefly with the idea of attending film school...but in the end I decided real estate was a much better business. I began by attending Fordham University...but after two years, I decided that as long as I had to be in college, I might as well test myself against the best. I applied to the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and I got in...I was also very glad to get finished. I immediately moved back home and went to work full time with my father."

I think Economics is the basis of Business.
I think Literature is the basis of storytelling using symbols and words, and thus, communicating.
I know I did the right thing.

Needs:

1. Cheap white pants/jeans
2. Shoes/slipper/sandal
3. Running shoes
4. those loose loose pants
5. endless supply of long sleeve tshirt in various colours
6. exercise
7. A facial to take out all the stubborn BLACKheads.

Doesn't need:

1. ALL THOSE MAXI DRESSES
2. ALL THE OTHER SHOES THAT I DONT NEED
3. ALL THOSE OTHER SCARVES

비밀에서 나는 아직도 나가 그 일 수 있었다는 것을 바란다.

션 와 순수한 빛.

From here.

“I guess that’s what saying goodbye is always like - like jumping off an edge. The worst part is making the choice to do it. Once you’re in the air, there’s nothing you can do but let go.”

“Because dreams are the difference between living… and existing.”

All I need is family and some friends I can honestly and openly criticize (constructively) without shaming myself or them. That's when the fun begins.

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares,
its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday.

We cannot undo a single act we performed;
we cannot erase a single word we said.
Yesterday is gone forever.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow
with all its possible adversities, its burdens,
its large promise and its poor performance;
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise,
either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow,
for it is yet to be born.

This leaves only one day, Today.
Any person can fight the battle of just one day.
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad,
it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore, Live but one day at a time.


~Author Unknown

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires, I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Author Unknown
But Very Much Appreciated!

Gives me fresh joy and energy! Whee!!!~~~

How I wish I could go back.

Visions of these memories are suddenly appearing before me: what it was like to have a H2 Math lecture and its tutorial, a H2 China Studies lecture and its tutorial, a H2 Lit tutorial, a H2 Knowledge and Inquiry tutorial, H2 Physics lecture and tutorial with the class and Mr Sum and our class. Guitar auditions and practice, seating at the bleachers under the sun facing the open field and the other side of my Tampines, surrounded my air that smells like home, playing hockey with Hamaizah or was that Syahidah?, me, Daryl and Christina talking about our dreams, talking talking talking about Daryl's dreams, Daryl playing a song on the guitar for us, singing, talking and laughing till the sun set. Exchanging uniforms with Syahidah. Bringing Jasmine and Jocelyn home to meet my baby bro. Seeing Jasmine go all weak in the knees when she sees a certain Indon classmate. Hanging out at the cafe after guitar lessons with Atiqah and singing with guitar, making videos while singing, having lovely food from the cafe. Having dinner with the J2s at Macs. Being in the same school as two cousins simultaneously. Eating at the yummy canteen, spoilt for choice on what to eat everyday. Our class eating together every time! We had our own corner that we ALWAYS sat at. Having PE in school with that PE teacher. Running so many rounds around and trying to cheat with the girls in my class. The convenience of going home, and coming back to school for Traditional Malay Music Combo.

That felt like my renaissance to me. Sports, arts, science, math, music, culture. I was learning everything. And I loved it. I loved my class, I even put so much effort for Physics homework! And Math! hahaha. I loved the friends that I made in TPJC. But I knew things would change after the PAE times. So it didn't matter if I went to another school or not, everyone, everything would be different.

I loved going to class. It was not a bore, or a chore.

The guitar room was lovely. So special. I love the guitar lessons, I loved looking forward to certain faces during guitar lessons. Especially Daryl's and my cousin's. It just felt so homely and comforting.Even the conductor was so endearing! Learning how to play 'Guardian Angel' with the whole class. The whole class singing some songs and me and some other girls SINGING in front of the whole class. OMG. Was that a funner side of me or what? hahaa...

Seniors being nice to me. Wee Shiun let me, Jasmine and Jocelyn to the basement shooting range when actually that was not really allowed (found that out much later). And every free time that he had which coincided with ours, he would hang out with us. I miss that so much. The non-judgemental, all-assuming love from other people. No obvious thoughts in their minds : "oh i'm from this and this cca and this and this level so I can't be friends with that group of people. Social disaster. Major social disaster".

Hanging out at the cafe after PE...being all hot and red but still dishing down that puff nevertheless. Nyahahas.

Valentines' Day. Me and Christina shared presents to give our friends. I made a special video for Daryl to thank him for being a wonderful friend to me given the short time we knew each other. Can't believe I stayed up that late. And I gave it to him via Bluetooth. Damn cool or what? HAHA. Come to think of it... the first moment you come to know people who are special are very special in it's own way. They come in more obvious ways than you think. You think they come all quietly but no. Months later, or even years, you realise that it was actually special. And how Daryl sang that song for his crush is permanently etched in my mind. Haha...I remember taking the Video for that... I think it is in my previous blog. The four of us screaming for him. HHAHA.. I remember Visa singing also.

One of the most special days for me was also the last day of PAE. Felt so tragic and drama now come to think of it. Daryl gave me a letter and the Guitar pin that I wanted so badly but couldnt have cos I was not an official member of the CCA, I was only one during the PAE period. I came to school earlier because he asked me to the night before. So I met him and he left straightaway after giving it to me. I went to the canteen, found Husna, read the letter and cried like crazy. HAHHA. Oh wow. Oh wow. Seriously? I did that? So emberezzingg. Husna was comforting me asking, "Why? Why? Don't cry la Safiah! I know it's the last day!" The day before, Christina made a bet with me, whoever cried first will have to erm... I forgot what it was. I remember I bought my violin that day. So we could play.

That last day, we skipped all lessons after CE where Mr Sum and the class just talked a lot and Daryl crashed our class. We skipped the academic lesons and just hung out on the stage of the hall where the piano was. Me, Jasmine, Jocelyn, Daryl, Christina. HAHA. I can't believe we did that. The hall's location is so perfect because it was at the basement and no teachers passed by. Actually there were, but they were only the PE teachers. But they were so friendly, they even wanted to hear us play music. HAHA. Talked to us about it some more. TPJC is so lax like that I love it. I actually only read half of the letter the first time cos the tears made everything blurry and I couldn't read it. So I read the whole thing again backstage and then, Christina saw me and I lost the bet. I must have cried really badly cos the girls were comforting me desperately. And Daryl was playing emo Jay Chou songs on the piano. Later on, when he thought no one could see us, he actually came to me and comforted me in his own way..ayyah. It was like I was leaving the country and not the school for goodness sakes. HAHA.

When I was more stable, I SMSed Wee Shiun to come to hall cos I brought the violin and he said he wanted to learn how to play. Actually brought the violin from home that day because of that. I played the canon duet with Jasmine! :D haha... and asked Naj, my cousin, to come to the hall too.

MJ memories? Were more academic. And centred mainly on class, teachers and the same set of friends, and SYF. One lovely memory is when they apparently "stole" my wallet and then Shafiq represented our clique to make a dedication on the radio: "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" by Blue. HAHAHAH... that was so JJANG!

Why is it different? Why is it so different that the factors of time, place and people makes the environment different? And the worse thing is... you can never get it back. Unless you go to Heaven and ask for it.

I hope Uni life later on will be more like TPJC. TPJC really felt like a college experience while MJ felt like how sec sch felt like. If you asked me at which stage of education did I enjoyed the most? I would definetely say it was the PAE times at TPJC. Tying with my sec school girl moments. Love. Actually, at Meridian JC, it didn't even matter if there were boys there. Wahha. Makes minimal difference.

Labels: memories, TPJC

I've been getting the same results. Saying I'm creative. Yeah I'm creative. How ah? hahhah I've liked to decorate since I was young. Embellishing especially. Haiz.. doing this reminds how I always asked a certain someone to do these quizzes with me so we can compare... haha.. Ah well.



Your results present a correlation ratio with our model superior to 83 % .
( In a general way, a result can be taken into account if this ratio is superior to 30 %.)



You are 40 % extrovert and 60 % introvert.

Independently of any order of importance :

You are creative, you always have new ideas, and your inspiration comes from the inside.

You are also intellectual and intelligent, you wonder and you inquire before taking any action.

Finally you are able to listen to others, you show a good emotional intelligence, you know how to bring your support to others.

Your understanding of your environment :

At first, at 33%, you are attached to moral values and feelings, and you have an emotional relation with the environment.

Then, at a ratio of 33%, you are centered on your thoughts and your actions are determined by your knowledge and your experience.

Finally, at 33%, you are focused on the facts and on the reality, and your decisions are determined by your perception of facts.

How you assert yourself :

In your relations with others, your inspiration and your creativity, your artistic or spiritual impulse have an influence of 61%. Also your family and personal ties interfere at 38%.

Also, your point of view and your decision-making are motivated by your inner conviction at 60%. Dialogue and exchange of views with others are taken into account at 39%.

Finally, your actions and behaviour are determined by your sensibility and that of your partner at a ratio of 57%. Then you are driven at 42% by own will and personal goals.

The qualities that characterize your personality at this time :

Creativity at 20% : you are creative, you know how to see beauty, you are intuitive and your inspiration comes from the inside.

Imagination at 20%: you are a creative person, with always new ideas, and you know how to apply them.

Intellectual performance at 20%: You are intellectual and intelligent, you wonder and you inquire before taking any action and setting your values.

Thinking at 19%: you are attuned to others and you show a good emotional intelligence, which allow you to give support to people.

Insights at 19%: you are thoughtful and deep, you think before getting into action and you know how to communicate your knowledge.

Finally, you are thoughtful and capable of listening to others, you take into account the needs of others before setting up the defined objectives, you are dynamic and active, you are determined in your actions, you know how to communicate your ideals and your energy, and thus, you know how to boost people.

Labels: quiz

This is very true. I never knew why but I have this deep-seated belief that people were born evil and those who are good only choose to do so after overcoming the natural state of being evil. (Note: the most basic view of evil which encompasses qualities such as selfishness, the ability to backstab behind each other's backs, the ability to bad mouth others, to criticize each other in a demeaning way openly and etc). And how can I not think of things this way when growing up, I've already been exposed to personalities like that. I can't believe how Primary School is the time where I actually really learnt about life in reality and how my self-confidence suffered a lot. At the same time, I made lasting friendships in the people who showed that they believed in me and accepted me for my undefined self in the making. I still showed my brilliance inside myself, knowing it myself but never understanding how to show it, like a chunk of brilliant, undiscovered, uncut, rough and undefined piece of solid diamond in a piece of sooty, black and messy carbon piece.

And so when people like Jun Jie, Phoebe and Celes answered my cry for help as I reached out to the unknown breadths of this universe for a semblance of what to do, what to think, what path I should take, me, a fine specimen of a stranger,was really surprised at the speed and honesty of the long answers that they gave. Of course we, as frail humans, never really know the answer but there is our inner consciousness and answers come in different forms. So to these people, they are really DAEBAK! :D

Time and again, I have been shown the beauty of humanity, the real side of the kindness that can originate from humans and thus, I should be less critical. At the same time, I've always been trying to avoid environments, which I believe, have a higher concentration of these 'evil' people. Since secondary school, with a lot of training from my own personal coach in the beginning of the Pre-U 1 years, I've learnt to overlook them, to ignore them, to try to use their cynicism to my advantage. In the times to come, I hope I can learn how to confront them.

So I believe this path will be a better path for my own self.

Too bad about the other path. Hor?

:D


P.S. I still hope that one day, things might not be so bad for me in one aspect. Cos I do miss the intellectual discourse, debating, pushing, pulling. Oh man... I am getting too old for my age or something?

P.P.S Need to learn finance.

Labels: realisation, university