Gna stay in uTown Cinnamon College next semester.

& i guess that phrase was a lie.

I don't care. One day I'm going to take a Creative Writing Course.

The lessons God taught me today and that I learnt today are:

With every grief comes with relief. Truly with every grief comes relief.

There may be wisdom and goodness behind things tt appear bad to you.

If this be a test I hope I pass.

Be patient.

Bad things happen as an invitation to be closer to God. InshaAllah.

And now tt my laptop is not with me, let me learn to live without it for a while. It is something material and there are many computers I can use in school. & I still have a computer and an iPhone while many still don't.

In the long run, it is not important.

It has brought me goodness and bad.

&

I need to find out abt tt insurance cover.

This is worse than when I lost my library book ages ago.

It was a good day today.

"Indeed, We sent down to you the Book for the people in truth. So whoever is guided - it is for [the benefit of] his soul; and whoever goes astray only goes astray to its detriment. And you are not a manager over them." Surah Az-Zumar, Ayat 41 [ 39: 41 ]

I'm scared. Did I make the right decision? I don't know where this is leading me....

After coming back from one whole night of cycling. And being sent to the venue and back by my dear aunt.

I just know, that despite how I treat others well, and all my friends with love, even when they are bawling their eyes out over something stupid, and actually wasting my time going over something stupid and transient, talking abt the same thing over and over again, I just know that sometimes, they can't directly tell me that they are happy for me, for my situation. That they say that 3 syllable acronym like I am an alien, like I am so different. Say it. USP. That, they think I'm too beyond them, so different. That besides just being coincidentally there, just because I happened to be, and because I always unconditionally love some people like that, they they can't do the same for me. Because they are too wallowed up in self-pity and lost in the world that they are in, that they think that I am too self-absorbed. That when I strive to make the needs of those who really need it better, that's when my efforts are lost. That's the time when you ask yourself why you were so dilligent and made something nice for a lost cause. That even if you went away for a semester without telling them, these people wouldn't ask. Because they wouldn't notice. Because your online presence is there and that extent of existence is just enough.

I brought Ilhan to the pasar malam. Just to show him one feature of Singapore life that I really love. But it's changed. Pasar malams used to have games that you could win prizes if you fished the right frog off it's lily pad. And I think the food was more varied. But I loved it when Bapak brought me to the pasar malam. But my parents are older now for Ilhan. So I take over that role of bringing him around. I told him that we can't buy anything because I don't want to encourage waste. But still I bought 2 for $1 sticker booklet for him. Ben 10 and Power Rangers. And Wadeh for Mak.

GD is really talented.
TOP and his signature stiff move.
Daesung looks really good with that haircut.
Seung Ri has really grown.
Taeyang is still the same, the way he moves. I find that he gets a bit full of himself when on the stage. But then again, that's his performative self.


Can never get sick of them. They keep producing good stuff.

And I'll be loyal like that.

Dear God,

Loneliness should be kicked away by reaching out for a friend.

I have never been brilliant. Only hardworking. And the keep-going-at-it mindset.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.


Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.


I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.

It suddenly washed over her: why she immersed herself in another world of sounds. A language she didn't understand. Why she enveloped herself in tunes and beats and rhythms. She didn't want to understand. She didn't want to hear in reality, outside her bodily outline, the reverberations of her internal. She didn't want to give a voice to the emotions she was trying to cover up.

I would like to remember today's ride home. Because I bumped into Ivan on the way home. The first time I met this character, he was introduced to the freshies as the President of Arts Club. He was always there for Arts Camp guiding the freshies. He become an Abang figure to us. He's short and had a tiny braid. The next time I saw him, was in Arabic 1 class. He struggled with the words. I sat beside him sometimes and helped him with the words. Sometimes he didn't do his homework. Sometimes I didn't do them too. Arabic is very heavy even though it's easy. He always wears skinnies in many colours.

B+

the older you get

at moments like this,

it's the feeling of wanting to see a face which brings you peace.