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10:54 PM Thursday, September 30, 2010


guess what....

around 2 more months to Final Exams!

:/


why must ARabic tutorial be 2hours long??? i seriously don't do learn much from it!

I must think that the NS guys are not much cleverer than me because they just got out of NS and their brains are filled with newly learnt dialects. This is not a degradation of their intelligence, but merely an attempt to comfort my ever panicky heart for tomorrow's 10-20%. I hope he decides to fix it at 10%! but what use is it since if it is so, the finals will be a heavier weightage! arh... the feeling of foolish dumbnessity.


"I must do better than this. I must I must I must..... alright," she says as she puts on her Nerd Suit on.


Wikipedia and Google saves your lives for tests. COME ON INTERNET DO YOUR MAGIC :D :D :D People could be knowledgeable just by using the internet alone. No. People are KNOWLEDGEABLE just using the computer and it's benefits! haiz...




10:33 PM


"Dah lah aku ni... dungu.
Malas pulak tu."

The worst critic MUST be yourself so that you will have awareness of your weakness... and do something about it.

HAIZ...

I hope I still have time and brainspace to turn things around! I must run twice as fast as this.




11:52 PM Wednesday, September 22, 2010


I feel very unsatisfied and dissapointed.

But I forget that we are only human and no one is perfect.

But it is as if they purposely forget who I am and what my interests are.

Being a bit considerate really wouldn't hurt

___

I stayed up till 3 plus
reading the past

apologies for neglect and abandonment
thanks for the constant security

Felt so guilty then.
But it turned out well in the end.

Oh if I could have it my way.
But this world does not belong to me.

I shouldn't be sad.
But this is a tragedy.

I shall ask the King to be merciful.
And I shall never stop asking.

I shall never stop asking and thanking.
It is the only way.

___

My mum says I'm a nerd in the L dpt.
She's now giving me strategies.
I don't want to think abt it.
At all.

___

NOKTAH.






1:27 AM Sunday, September 19, 2010


I'm not an adult yet because I haven't made the choice to be one.
It's such a burden.




12:01 AM


I still can't listen to 'Please Don't Go' by CL and Minzy.
That night as I walked away, that song was playing in
I can't face the music.




11:50 PM Saturday, September 18, 2010


I guess I'm a bit more shaken up than I thought I was. Watching WGM right now gives me this empty feeling instead of being so smiley and amused. It's corroding me inside. Haiz...

Take a deep breath....

& let it go...

&

&

&

The recess week is here.
I need to do my readings and study and exercise. I will go running tomorrow.

But at the same time,
I want to watch movies and I want to ready the 5 books I borrowed from the library.

I need to do something about this.

*
*
*
*




What's the use of trying?
12:06 AM Friday, September 17, 2010






11:56 PM Thursday, September 16, 2010





The terrible thing about love is that it takes away your safety net, your balancing pole. Even the tightrope you walk upon will disappear beneath you, yet love expects you to keep walking anyway, arms outstretched, one foot after the other, on nothing more than air.
building all these dreams in our own head is so much easier than trying to make it a reality..for that to happen, it requires perseverance and confidence.

Today's soothings come from blinksoflife.tumblr.com




10:39 PM Wednesday, September 15, 2010


I don't want to think too much about this. I don't want to give too much meaning to this. Being like that before was what made the whole thing become like this in the first place. At least I knew I tried to stop it. I knew I tried to fight it. So hard. So hard but it was so inevitable. Yes it was your fault too. A large part of it was your fault.

I can't help from hurting. You know? I still feel like I sacrificed too much of my time. That I'm still too nice.

I wanted that situation before but the want has subsided by the bitterness of how it dragged on. By how cruelly it was managed. The messy untangled chaotic end.

You can't have everything your way.

And I can't have everything mine.

What is God's intention this time?

Be gone! This question in the depths of the blackness of the inside soul.

I shall not dwell on this mystery.
I only want to serve God, to think about knowledge, to find out, to perfect my mind, to live out my purpose.
I shall carve myself, not to be a person who cares too much.
Not to 'discombobulate' my thoughts.




10:37 PM


"Employ the power of positive quitting. Most of us view quitting as something negative, but it’s not. ‘Winners never quit,’ we’re told, when, in reality, winners quit all the time: choosing to stop doing things that aren’t creating the results they desire. When you quit all the things that aren’t working for you, when you quit tolerating all the negative things that hold you back, you’ll create a positive ‘charge’ in your life as well as create the space in your life for more positive experiences."

-- Jim Allen

"I like thinking of possibilities. At any time, an entirely new possibility is liable to come along and spin you off in an entirely new direction. The trick, I've learned, is to be awake to the moment."

-- Doug Hall

"Persons and societies do not submit passively to surroundings and events. They make choices as to the places where they live and the activities in which they engage -- choices based on what they want to be, to do and to become. Furthermore, persons and societies often change their goals and ways; they can even retrace their steps and start in a new direction if they believe they are on a wrong course. Thus, whereas animal life is prisoner of biological evolution which is essentially irreversible, human life has the wonderful freedom of social evolution which is rapidly reversible and creative. Wherever human beings are concerned, trend is not destiny."

-- Rene Dubos




Tidak kau tahu.
11:38 PM Monday, September 13, 2010


Demi Allah than Rasulullulah (S.A.W)
aku berhenti.
'Kita harus berhenti di sini'.

Dahulu,
aku berdoa, mencari jalan keluar,
jalan yang lurus, untuk mendekatkan diriku kepadaNya.
Tidakku tahu apa yang sedang dicari,
Tidakku tahu, apa yang harus dilakukan.

Imanku lemah.
Adakah mereka tahu?
Aku tidak dapat memisahkan
Cinta dunia daripada cinta yang Agung.

Hatiku berat.
Hari demi hari,
Sejadahku basah dengan titisan airmata.
Dengan limpahan soalan kepada yang Maha Esa.
Mengapa aku ditakdirkan menyukainya?
Adakah pada saat itu, aku benar-benar cinta?
Dahiku melekat kepada Sang Tanah.
'Berikanlah aku petunjuk.
Aku mahu menjadi hamba yang baik di sisimu.
Tetapi aku tidak tahu ke mana arah tuju!'

Di saat itu, barulah aku sedar.
Tidakku pikirkan tindakanku sebelum itu.
Bagaikan Tuhan membisik di hatiku:
"Pilihlah jalan itu, Aku akan sentiasa bersamamu"
Dengan itu, kita bersetuju.

Sakitnya hati, baru ku tahu.
Memang benar, duri itu menusuk kalbu.
Bagai diheret ke seluruh tubuhku.

Berlarutan, hari demi hari.
Terimalah kenyataan dan pasrah.
Berserah dan berbicara dengan Sang Pencipta.
Ku tahu.
Inilah jalan terbaik.

Aku ingin mencari cinta Allah.
Menjadi hamba kepadaNya,
Mengharapkan jodoh,
kerana Tuhan, kerana Rasulullah.
Jodoh yang membawaku ke Syurga.

Akan ku tetap berdoa untukmu.
Ameen.

Sekarang aku bersyukur,
kerana peristiwa itu telah membuatku lebih dekat kepadaMu.
Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.




10:21 PM Sunday, September 12, 2010


I know life can be so hard. It can beat you down, it can spit in your face, it can do just about anything, and yet you can’t do a thing to prevent it. But I guarantee that one day you will smile again. You will wake up in the morning, and not have to fight the urge to cry anymore. Yes, it can take a while; weeks, months, maybe even years. But you will get there, I promise you that.


“ We are all guilty of saving old messages from someone who became really special in our lives and going to familiar places that gives us that small twinge in our hearts and smiles on our faces. It’s one of the most bittersweet feelings ever because every time that person crosses our minds, we remember the instances when we were happy and complete. ”



From I Dare You To Click This




10:16 PM


And suddenly I feel...
I feel like I can have it all.

I feel like I can do it...
Like good things will come...
Happiness will come...

Soaring.




This Riddle
1:02 AM Saturday, September 11, 2010


That easy?

Have you been reading?

i have a newer standard.

it is still the same but it is different.

What was the basis of that past?







We can learn a lot from nature.
8:58 PM Wednesday, September 8, 2010


"As water shapes its flow according to the ground, success comes by relating to the surroundings. Just as water retains no constant shape, there is no constant condition. Thus, those who can flexibly adapt their tactics according to the situation shall find success." -Sun Tzu-

As I was walking home one day and the stars were plentiful and bright, I looked at the trees and realised that time is needed to reach my fullest potential and that I cannot rush things. I must wait patiently. Just like that tree, it grows into an adult plant before blooming and then, bearing fruit. Humans are like that too, because humans are part of nature.

All praises to God that I got into USP. It was a 10% chance for me. I just learnt that 180/1000 applicants got accepted. And it, in no way affected my choice to go NUS. Therefore, I am really grateful for this chance. But I know I don't have that natural super-smartness like that guy, Nadjat, to be able to sail through secondary school so easily. I already faced difficulty with Science and Math in Primary 3. I also know that I didn't get any formal tuition since young. Only my mother was my tutor, and I am ever so grateful to her. I had my mum's friend tutor me for math in sec 2 and my cousin too but it wasn't much help. I stopped in less than 1 year. My mum is the main reason why I have crossed each academic hurdle relatively safely. So I must continue to be good to her because I love her and because I love God. God has shown me so many times, the bad things that happen when I go against her. Anyway, from my past, I learnt that I must always put in effort. I'm actually quite tired with running so hard but my fanciful thoughts don't really offer much alternative. And still, I must run. I cannot throw away this chance because I must prove to myself that I can do it. That I am worthy of the opportunity I pushed away for this chance that God has given me. I am worthy and I can. I must. I will.

Please help to cheer me on. And I'll help you too.




As the tutorials starts...
11:29 PM Sunday, September 5, 2010


English Language tutorials are the most difficult and leceh to do. Yes, I'd rather concentrate on exercises on Time Dilation and Length Contraction.

If you know me well enough, you might think I'm spitting out ironic bullshit. I kid you not. Phonetics and phonemes are a science. Not a humanities. Who put it under that division?

Sheesh kebabs you.

I find I do enjoy Comms & New Media classes.




This is not an Oil Spill.
7:29 AM Friday, September 3, 2010


AH! Finally finished that Physics summary.... which I handed in 2 days late.

Oh gosh if I had to do an equation assignment instead my brain mass will increase and will need extra aid....

Man howww! I don't think recess week is enough to let me get an A for this module!!! HELP ME soMe GOD GIVEN PHYSICS BRANIAC!

Haiz... just when you realise (again) how much you would still like to have that specially relativistic person around.

I slept like a log yesterday. To even open my eyes when Ilhan came back from Atok's house was tiring. But I didn't do much labour yesterday, what made me so tired!!! Slept from 8.30 to 3am. I woke up to bathe and solat Isyak, and then slept again till 5.15am for Sahur. Why was I so tired!!!! Anyway... the dawn wind rush feels so cool and wakes me up immediately. And I finished my work!~~ ^^

I must repeat this rare feat of waking up early and doing my work.

The modules I'm taking so far:

LAK1201: Arabic 1
EL1101E: The Nature of Language
NM1101E: Communications, New Media and Society
NM2201: Intercultural Communication
UNL2201: Space, Time and Matter.

USP has been good so far. Learning everything is really nice. But I get it now what they mean by saying that you spend more on USP modules than normal modules. Normal uni modules are something you can understand by reading twice? But USP modules are something you have to read twice, wrap your minds around, and practice. Wowee. Lucky my prof is so interesting ah.

Yesterday, the seniors shared with us the Peking University modules are 1.5 times more difficult than NUS modules, something they experienced when they had an exchange there. How? What? right? ( oh I just can't stop thinking of Peking Duck when see that uni's name)

Still, I like STM and Intercultural Comm the best. The others are quite dry. And Arab is quite easy so far (but that doesn't mean I can score 100%). I totally bombed yesterday's quiz cos the format just threw me off and I blanked out. On what? The huruf alphabetical order. Pandai.

Group work is starting, which makes tutorials more fun. I think my group mates, the one I've met up with so far, are a nice bunch of people. :D

Ok... time to go get ready for Arabic Tutorial... and then STM seminar class. I hope hope hope he lets it pass with one eye (yeah right). How to email him and ask for apology when I don't know his email! Should I go directly to him and say sorry? Ah the concept of 'face' I learnt yesterday. But that was Obama asking for apology to his people regarding the oil spill. But I am not Obama. And this is not an oil spill.






NURsa
30031991



<3 chocolates
<3 family
<3 friends
<3 balloons
<3 presents
<3 sleeping
<3 surprises!
<3 good design
<3 poetry
<3 great stories
<3 looking at the stars
<3 patterns: houndstooth floral, plaids/checkered
<3 colours:purple,pink,brown,grey,black
<3 pearls
<3 pure lace
<3 bracelets
<3 Korean everything (almost) !




MOVIE WISHLIST
1. Sepet
2. Gubra
3. Mukhsin
4. Muallaf
5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
6. Nick and Norah's Playlist
7. The Day The Earth Stood Still
8. Wildchild
9. Lars and the Real Girl
10. Sandcastle

BOOKS TO READ
1. The Age of Innocence by Edith Warton
2. Letters To A Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
3. The History of Love: A Novel by Nicole Krauss






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