This is very true. I never knew why but I have this deep-seated belief that people were born evil and those who are good only choose to do so after overcoming the natural state of being evil. (Note: the most basic view of evil which encompasses qualities such as selfishness, the ability to backstab behind each other's backs, the ability to bad mouth others, to criticize each other in a demeaning way openly and etc). And how can I not think of things this way when growing up, I've already been exposed to personalities like that. I can't believe how Primary School is the time where I actually really learnt about life in reality and how my self-confidence suffered a lot. At the same time, I made lasting friendships in the people who showed that they believed in me and accepted me for my undefined self in the making. I still showed my brilliance inside myself, knowing it myself but never understanding how to show it, like a chunk of brilliant, undiscovered, uncut, rough and undefined piece of solid diamond in a piece of sooty, black and messy carbon piece.

And so when people like Jun Jie, Phoebe and Celes answered my cry for help as I reached out to the unknown breadths of this universe for a semblance of what to do, what to think, what path I should take, me, a fine specimen of a stranger,was really surprised at the speed and honesty of the long answers that they gave. Of course we, as frail humans, never really know the answer but there is our inner consciousness and answers come in different forms. So to these people, they are really DAEBAK! :D

Time and again, I have been shown the beauty of humanity, the real side of the kindness that can originate from humans and thus, I should be less critical. At the same time, I've always been trying to avoid environments, which I believe, have a higher concentration of these 'evil' people. Since secondary school, with a lot of training from my own personal coach in the beginning of the Pre-U 1 years, I've learnt to overlook them, to ignore them, to try to use their cynicism to my advantage. In the times to come, I hope I can learn how to confront them.

So I believe this path will be a better path for my own self.

Too bad about the other path. Hor?

:D


P.S. I still hope that one day, things might not be so bad for me in one aspect. Cos I do miss the intellectual discourse, debating, pushing, pulling. Oh man... I am getting too old for my age or something?

P.P.S Need to learn finance.

Labels: realisation, university