21. To find my place

There are those times when I read something, or come across something. And I feel so insecure about my life in this world. I get so insecure that I don't believe in where I am now. I don't believe I can succeed in this life even if I am in a good reputable university in Singapore and in Asia. Even when I am in THAT programme. Because I didn't know there was such thing as that kind of strategy. It starts when you pick modules. You have to strategise unless you're a super genius. And I feel like because of this ONE semester... I lost a chance. And I really have to pull it up THIS semester because I'll never get that chance again... and I scare myself thinking of all the chances I am going to lose.

But because writing is a way to make me think through things and to see my thoughts in words. I am going to calm myself right now.

And since this year my motto is to believe in myself. At twenty years old I have to start believing that I've been a survivor and I will always be a survivor.

So it starts now:

Dear Safiah,

it's okay. You've gotten yourself in so many lucky opportunities in the past that many people have not. Maybe it was not your year last year. It is like that when it comes to Rezeki. And there's a reason, there's always a good reason for everything but you may not see it now.

It's okay. There WILL be opportunities for you. Don't worry. You have a knack at attracting them. Because you have always gone for the things you wanted. And sometimes you falter, wanting accompaniment, afraid to venture alone, but you have learnt that it's better to venture alone while you're at this stage of your life anyways. Because waiting for others may drown you, slow you down. May even prevent you, block you from doing what you want and what you like. Don't do the herd mentality thing.

It's okay because you have faith that everything will be turn out more than brilliant in the end if you have Taqwa and if you Iman. If you are always grateful to God for his blessings. Even if whatever you feel now, feels like a struggle, it's actually a blessing. It's a blessing in disguise. And you won't know anything till you're down that road.

It's okay because life is exciting and being here, there's so many opportunities besides academics. It's okay because you're going to make it in the end because I believe in Safiah. I believe in ME. I believe I believe I believe.

And you'll know you make the right decision in the end.
Because good things have happened.

I must be grateful for getting a chance to be a Project Director of something in Year 1. I must be grateful for having a "liberal arts minor". I must be grateful for having that nice person come to me and somehow affect my life in quite a good way in university. He had no reason to continue but I must have made him smile sometimes. And for that I must believe that I can light up someone's life too. That I can touch someone's life too. I must be grateful.

If Ibnur can do it so can I. If Ibnur can get out of this so can I.

(I must forget that Ibnur is a super human also.)

No i shall end this on a good note. I am a super woman too.

Insert's Alicia Key's song.

Take a listen.

& BELIEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D :D :D