in an effort to make herself better.

in an attempt to make full use of her time.

in an attempt to make her money worth it.

she thinks she's driving people away.

but she can't help it.

she thinks she needs a break from the frivolous

the fake

the shallow

the crude

the loud

the beat

the story

she misses that old soul company

she misses that guardian

there's too many

she doesn't know who to choose

24 hours a day

time becomes something valuable

she becomes mono-chronic.

she learns to make decisions quicker

(not that before she didn't)

she learns to break out of that mentality.

(not that she was in it before)

she learns to become more insensitive

because she was too sensitive before.

she learns to push things away

because she cared too much before.

caring too much

eats up her time

caring too much

burns her energy

"would they do the same for you?"

that thought never entered her thoughts before

until someone voiced it out

she did it out of pleasure

to make others happy

she had avenues before

to make that one happy

but it went into isolation

and so she didn't have any avenue

nor street

nor road

nor lane

to put her creativity and care and thoughts and energy

into

she's tired of caring too much

and she believes she's changing

and she doesn't think that there's much to lose anyway

she's tired of leading

she's tired of starting

when she's hurt

her face doesn't show it

because she's trained her face to be still.

only one face.

all the time.

this time is not to care too much about others

you must care

but just enough

no calculations

because you cared too much.

stop caring.

this time is to care about yourself

as much as it sounds selfish

it's the reality

it's the reality

she needs time to make money.

drive to isolation

she has to craft.