I envision Uni to be like the paper sheets that FASS gave to us. Actually, life is just like that. Whatever you put in, you get. However you fold it, that will be the shape of the paper. You study smart, you get good grades. But you can't just study, you should be emotionally, psychologically and mentally stable too so that you won't panic when the exam comes. For me, I rely on Allah, I rely on God a lot. Also, helping parents at home. Without the blessings of your parents, especially your Mum, it's very hard to get very far.

You lose a lot of things when you think your failure is because of your friends, because you will tend to shut them out. Words cannot replace your actions.

When you don't bother to acknowledge your friends' special day, because you hardly show appreciation to her, or him. And even so, what is the point of just saying 'Happy Birthday' when you don't open your door and let your friend in your life once in a while? What is the point of hearing, or even, seeing, two words, maybe accompanied with an exclamation mark, or the occasional smiley, when you don't know how they've been, or worse, you don't really care? What is the point of shutting them out and only calling, or smsing a Happy Birthday? It'd be better to just forget about those words and ask "How are you?"instead. Is it really something big that a person remembers another's birthday... but forgets to be included in his/her life on the rest of either of the other 364 days?

I think for some people, if they want to drift away, let them drift away. I can't stop them from doing so, it's highly inorganic. You should learn to let go and accept this decision of theirs (even when they didn't really tell you) But if they want to come back, they should be able to prove that they want to have a part in your life, and it must be consistent. They should make an effort. They can't just treat you like this and make you bothered about the degree of respect they are showing you. Because it takes two hands two clap. And the other party should meet you halfway. If they pop in at random bits in your life, let's say, only when you are associated with someone famous or popular at that minuscule moment, then just entertain them for a bit and just move on. Forget about them. It's no use really. Even if you want to keep something up, it will only topple in rubble, because that is how they view life. Different from yours.

Another insight: Why should I be scared of a school which is apparently very "cheena"? I took CSP and I'm not scared of that race, given my "history". In Guitar it was the same. All Chinese, One Indian, Three Malays. Hah. You got to face life. Especially in Singapore where the majority are these people you're supposedly scared of facing. Better now than never. And essentially, they are people, not Cheenas or Mats or the K words you use on Indians. Or the B word. rude man rude. So connect with them as a human to human. Not as one race to another race. I'm sure you'll get the meaning of life soon.

I was never one to think much of who will be there, if I'll be the only Malay, if I'll be the only hijabi, if I'll be the only girl, if I'll be the only Singaporean even. You don't get far in life with this kind of mindset. Often when I had this kind of mindset, I lost many opportunities. You'll find you will survive if you are rooting for yourself, if you are true to yourself. So I should just go ahead and do what I want. I've been doing well so far. *Pats back*

And, to my beloved high-flyer friend, if you think I don't have connections into my past dream so that I can succeed in that field? Of course I had. Which is why I had that path cut out so clearly for me. Which is why I wanted to be a journalist, in SPH once. But I just choose to take the path less trodden. I rubbed shoulders with vice-presidents of a national body, Head Editors, Sub-editors, managing editors, foreign correspondents, photographers, journalist of the year! They are not snobby. They are real. They just want fresh people, perspectives and brave souls. And maybe a singleton's mindsets. Add in a dash of a workaholic fervor too. But over the years, I lost interest. Because I didn't find it meaningful. I'm sorry but I just don't want to work at SPH. But I like their soul.

You create your self. Your life. Your future. You own it.