21. To find my place

Maybe I am lying to myself without even know it. I don't know. I don't know anything. I wish I could be pure like a newborn baby. But I can't. The only thing I can do is pray for forgiveness and hope that God forgives my sins. And then, forget the terrible things I've done. And start a new life, staying away from the bad.

You think I'm good?

And then, I can't be sure, I can't be that sure, but I have to be brave. Or at least appear brave. I have to learn on my own. This should be the only way. I will do what I know and have to do. The rest, I will leave to God. He knows the best.

Tomorrow, my first day as a relief teacher, and then rushing to my library work. Yes, a place where I'm forced to be alone and thus think too much.