This.Is.Nur.Safiah.

2012-02-03T01:14:00.001+08:00

whatever happened to the simply joy of being

'just friends'.

haiz.

2012-01-22T02:48:00.002+08:00

Hope you get my subliminal message.

Hope you can wait.

Hope I'm not delusional.
Hope we can do the right thing.

Hope I am right about this.
Hope I am strong enough.

Because I don't want to repeat my mistakes.
Because that would mean I have not repented.

why I fall into the same trap again and again

2012-01-21T18:46:00.002+08:00

whenever I feel that urge,

I shall pick up a book and read.

whenever I feel that urge to talk,

I shall pick up a book and read.

I don't know how to do this.

I only want to do it in the right way.

It always starts out innocently. Then it becomes an uncontrollable monster.

Oh God, help me always.

2012-01-09T01:29:00.002+08:00

where do I start?

with the person across the street? the street where all the trees have been cut away. bare like the skin of a shameful sinful suntanner on a scorching beach. to give way to the underground vehicle which is supposed to raise the value of real estate of my land.

with this intense feeling of not wanting this to happen...trying to repel myself but then becoming attracted to the one I thought I wouldn't? not minding but minding at the same time. feeling like a hypocrite all the time? I'm still human. & a very weird and special one at that.

with walking home and passing by the flags at Tampines Junior College, where 3 years ago.... a special connection travelled through the fields of electrons and protons, the nothingness of matter made the heart sparkle. the presence moved on.

with a new start of a new semester? moving on from the December that was full of....monstrosity?

A changed me.

I thought I could talk to you. Maybe you didn't see the urgency in my voice. Maybe people do think that I am superwoman, able to handle it all. I thought maybe you would respond.

but as I learn in Vampire Diaries, the true friends are those who stick with you even when you've become an uncontrollable, unconscious monster. Maybe I'm not one of those. At least I tried.

Maybe it's a situation beyond saving anything. Dissapointment fills me up now.

2011-11-24T01:48:00.001+08:00

the need

that wants so many.

that looks at the past

and wists away.

2011-11-24T01:25:00.002+08:00

the soul.
alone forever.

responsible only for itself.

help each other to be better.

then at least we can live alone

better.

the soul

breathes alone

nourishes itself alone

all alone

but never lonely.

Oh God, Oh Allah,
never let me out of your sight

for even a micro second.

2011-11-23T23:32:00.002+08:00

it's so unfair.
mb Neni was right.
Dang it's just so unfair.
How it's just so easy for me to accept.

At one point of time i felt repulsed. I felt annoyed and irritated every time I hear that sound. The irrevocable greeting which starts the conversation.

but now.

Haiz... i wonder what was the turning point.
And I wonder what made the sands shift and the tides turn.

We cannot deny how close knit and penetrative and persuasive that big group is. And how they introduce ideas into you which you never thought of before. Those accusing questions, the innocent comment. The cumulative pressure.

Whatever it is, I will stick by my original stand. At least I can trust myself for having very strong principles.

If it takes two hands to clap.
Can it be, that it takes two hands, not to start, wanting to clap?

At least I hope that my mum will support me in this.

It's easy to start caring once you allow yourself to. But is it easy to close the door against a swarm of buzzing bees?

2011-11-16T00:10:00.003+08:00

I will be honest here. I feel the tugging and the releasing and formal logic must not have missed you out.

The pressure of other people's words have developed this into something I never thought could happen. I can't believe that I feel jealous because of this. I need to throw it away. I can't believe that I felt jealous seeing the walk-away.

I am a bit scared that... people would think I'm all that and think I'm unapproachable cos of that. Think I'm highty mighty.

I cannot believe that I felt that. Ok, it's ok to think that but it's not okay to include it in my own thoughts and letting it affect who I am and the decisions I make. I will continue to strive for the best for myself, my religion and my future.

Work on what matters now. Don't work on a probable. Don't work on a Maybe.

Because you treat everyone the same, the only special on today's menu is Honey Pie.

Not everyone thinks, like me, that the sacred meat is DEAR meat.

Don't get into trouble for bringing up the same issue time and again Saf. If it bothers you, for this issue, it's only your problem.

It's hard to find the gem in all those rocks but you have a Hand to guide you and that is God so pray that God will help you.

That's all that you need to do.

2011-10-20T16:34:00.002+08:00

Safiah, you need to create a guide to read at the start of every semester. This December, you will compile the lessons that you have learnt for your past semesters, a surviving university guide of sorts into a document and pin it up. Thereafter you will read it at the start of every semester.

You will be ok. You will be fine. You are awesome.

I will be ok. I will be fine. I am awesome.

Now should I go for aerobics!?

2011-10-09T10:21:00.001+08:00

all these thoughts in my head

are placed by

the cloud that moves in

and shakes it's droplets off my heart

the phantom who is not there

the person who always scares

the construct

of vanguard sheet

tough enough to cut your skin

but barely there

the cut is shallow deep.

it is skin deep.

2011-10-09T10:06:00.003+08:00

all these thoughts in my head

are placed by

the cloud that moves in

and shakes it's droplets off my heart

the phantom who is not there

the person who always scares

the construct

of vanguard sheet

tough enough to cut your skin

but barely there

the cut is shallow deep.

it is skin deep.

2011-10-09T10:06:00.002+08:00

all these thoughts in my head

are placed by

the cloud that moves in

and shakes it's droplets off my heart

the phantom who is not there

the person who always scares

the construct

of vanguard sheet

tough enough to cut your skin

but barely there

the cut is shallow deep.

it is skin deep.

2011-08-23T06:11:00.002+08:00

This will not again be another seanario. No spelling mistakes intended. OR rather, in Media Writing speak it's a [CG]. Go figure. I will not make the same mistakes and not think before doing my simple friendly act that becomes something else. The whole world is Semiotic.

I want to bear grudges at the people who make it seem this way. They can't help it but to encourage something but I know that it's nothing. It's just that I miss good conversations that's why I'm feeling like this. THat is all. And grudges are corrosive. Especially with the stomach acids churning about, this time of the day.

I really miss good conversation sometimes.

And the good conversation has gone and got himself a job and forgotten about me I bet.

2011-08-21T21:05:00.003+08:00

It angers me.

In this age, Twenty: not yet adult but not a child anymore.

How many funerals of my friend's parents have I been to.

But I can never understand their pain.

All I can do is take a lesson from them.
To take care of my parents and to appreciate them.

Easier said than done.

Here I am trying to understand the state of inertia that mine is at.

Sylvia Plath's emotions have never left me once.

Teamwork and encouragement are really powerful things to be facilitated in a family.

2011-08-11T00:23:00.002+08:00

i have only the following commitments for the next four months:

1. CNM, USP and SEA
2. Family family family
3. Muslim Society
4. My dearest friends when they need me and when I need them. No lepak time during term time ok.

I hope everyone will understand how badly I need to get A for everything. Again.

2011-08-11T00:15:00.003+08:00

shopping alone is the best.
i will travel alone.
reading alone is the best.
i will sing alone.

it's no problem to do all this.
alone is the best there is.

yet the shrink cowers in the corner of the wall.
afraid to venture out if at all.

2011-07-19T01:47:00.002+08:00

UK
THAILAND
CHINA twice

Consider myself lucky to travel to these places before the age of 18.
Consider myself lucky to have relatives as my personal banks.
I tell you I am in debt.

x)

Alhamdulillah.

Scientifically updated version of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'

2011-06-29T00:16:00.002+08:00

I took this from Wikipedia.

"The original verses are from 1806, more than a century before the foundations of Stellar Astrophysics were established. Some astronomers ^[12] then attempted to update the verses of the song, taking into account that nowadays Stellar structure and Stellar Evolution are mature sciences.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

I know exactly what you are

Opaque ball of hot dense gas

Million times our planet's mass

Looking small because you're far

I know exactly what you are

Fusing atoms in your core

Hydrogen, helium, carbon and more

With such power you shine far

Twinkle twinkle little star

Classed by their spectroscopy

Oh, Be A Fine Girl Kiss Me

Bright when close and faint when far

I know exactly what you are

Smallest ones burn cool and slow

Still too hot to visit, though

Red stars dominate by far

Twinkle twinkle little star

Largest ones are hot and blue

Supernova when they're through

Then black hole or neutron star

I know exactly what you are

Our Sun's average as stars go

Formed 5 billion years ago

Halfway through its life so far

Twinkle twinkle little star

Forming from collapsing clouds

Cold and dusty gas enshrouds

Spinning, heating protostar

I know exactly what you are

Often forming multiply

Clusters bound by gravity

Open type or globular

Twinkle twinkle little star

"

Reading this makes me think that... you would like this. And I can't stop myself from thinking that. Who else would indulge in humours such as these? ahha. mb I'll try.

2011-06-23T00:58:00.000+08:00

an estate a day.

hmm...

2011-06-20T01:42:00.000+08:00

(mod)est.

ok tak?

:D

ok this is what i have to do by end of June

2011-06-18T22:40:00.002+08:00

Congratulations Safiah for clearing out all the crap and detoxifying your room! :) :) :)

You now have the guilt free pleasure of arranging dates with your mates. However, your job is not done yet. You still have to:

1. Go through the plastic containers

2. Find your madrasah graduation certs

3. Write some letters

4. Make some money

5. Clean up your CV

6. get reacquainted with your calendar, you kind of abandoned it when summer started.

7. establish a new life routine of not sleeping after subuh. and the whole exercise more stuff.

8. write down all the things u wanted to do and plan when to get them done.

Love,

The better part of yourself that is trying to take control over you but the lazy one is just too damn fat and difficult to push away.

2011-06-18T21:37:00.002+08:00

the time to stick to a decision draws closer. i need to seek the required people.

but maybe, in my heart, I already know what I must do?

ARGH. Truly, I am scared.

I shall now drop this basket of thoughts like laundry that has been too many times wrung over.

I will go revise the poem in which Hugh has expressed interest to see the revision of. And wait anxiously for the email which will announce the venue of our reading for the last usp-piper creative writing class. I hope hope hope it will be somewhere not in NUS. ><

2011-06-17T23:57:00.001+08:00

i'm scared. but i need to break away. may God give me unbroken guidance.

2011-06-09T01:16:00.002+08:00

don't you think I get jealous. of people who don't have a younger brother at this age. They can just go out as and when they want without having guilt to be home early to play with their baby brother. The constant tuggings. I feel like a mother sometimes too. And even if you tell me, no you're just a sister, being the eldest is like having a big natural tattoo on my palm that says that I'm always responsible and have to think of the younger ones.

It means that I cannot plan for something in the immediate future especially in the holidays, I cannot commit to something when it's not school time because I've spent enough time away from home already, in school. And so I apologise for not accepting all the calls to be facilitators, station masters for all your events. Yeah I would so love to but I would really be have more peace at mind if I could stay at home and help Mak bring Ilhan to the toilet, clean him up when he poo poos, fold the clothes, sweep the floor and have time to read the massive growing list of books that I don't have time to read when it's semester time. I would also rather catch up with the friends that (I'm really sorry to say this) who I so love and adore but have no time or emotional strength for them unless in immediate emergencies during semester time.

But I have no right to be jealous, because this is my blessing and I feel truly blessed. I don't have to be jealous. It's a disease of the heart. The only thing I feel sometimes is burdened. Because the larger society doesn't really understand the importance of being with a family. It's not something to be proud of and there is no tangible economic value attached to it. This is sad. Because the development of members of society all start with good support system from the family.

So, believe it when I say, time is the most expensive thing I can spend on anyone.

2011-06-08T23:47:00.002+08:00

yes people come and go. but friends return once in a while to check on you and when you ask for help. what if I have no need of you because of the filth you spew frm your mouth. the filth that is definitely not music to the ears.

if i was pure i would look beyond the garbage that constantly make me wince when i hear you say it, and see your pure heart. I am only learning to live and interact for the sake of God. I've hurt you. I guess it hurts because I've tried to stick up for you when others and yourself made fun of you, but you actually misinterpreted me too.

you've never really known me. and i've never really known you. But did the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. know everything about everyone? It doesn't matter because he made everyone feel loved and special because he treated everyone like they were the most important person in his life when he talked to them. And it was only through this that everyone loved him.

His qualities and character is something worth striving for.

I am sorry friend, by God's will, InshaAllah you helped me become a better person tonight. Hopefully, I will doa for you tonight, and that I can be a better friend as much as I can help it, to you.

2011-06-07T19:02:00.002+08:00

i know there's not much benefit or worth to it. but if I could watch a Big Show in Korea before Big Bang has to disband because they have already grown out of it, if I could watch it... it would make me really really happy.

like a river of smile in the beginning of time across my face.

2011-06-04T01:02:00.001+08:00

the people in mji are weird if you define them by socially set steorotypes.

this girl plays the guitar. and the guys know how to bake. they don't just know how to, but they actually like it.

caramel.

2011-05-31T12:02:00.003+08:00

ugh. I hate it when I screw up my body clock. And when work throws off my momentum. And when I feel absolutely horrid with myself for not having a plan. :/

2011-05-29T23:37:00.003+08:00

Today I met Ivan again. He had on a heavy green army backpack and a tote. He was holding a book "The Human Nature in Islam". I felt embarrassed again.

I called him. "Ivan!" and he turned.

--Eh...Sa... Safiah? I didn't recognise you.

--Yeah I was from a birthday party.... dinner.

I didn't quite understand why I added 'dinner'.

--Are you going on reservice?

--No I was from a sleepover and I just couldn't pack light.

--Haha oh I see... what bus are you taking?

--27 but I need to top up first.

--Okay.

He goes to the machine to top up his card. I wait for my bus at the berth where all the buses that go to my stop comes.

The nature of human in Islam. Yeah. I would like to know about that too. I wonder how many book he has read so far and how fervent his relationship is with God now, and how clean his soul is and free from sins. At least less sins than mine. I wonder how much he has learnt about Islam. Does he know more than me? How much do I know about Islam?

The beeping of the ez-link reader. Bus 28 comes in to pick up it's passengers.

--Allright, I'll go now yah.

--Ok, I'm waiting for 38. I live near Tampines JC.

--Ok. You take care. Assalammualaikum.

--Waalaikumsalam. You take care too.

Post Created May 28, 2011 10:56:47 PM

2011-05-28T22:57:00.001+08:00

One of my pet peeves is when you ask me out and expecting the day to be fun, without putting in any thought about what how your time spent with me will be like. Leaving me with all the work. You are not helping me be excited for the day.

Sure it's fine that two people meet up just for the sake of meeting. That is if those two people are madly and blindly in love. Or there has been a set motive for a conversation that these two have planned beforehand.

But we are neither and not even close.

It leaves me with the bitter aftertaste of a time tt was well spent only because of a common activity that was organised, planned, and executed by an external body.

It should be encouraged for people to want to do lawful and healthy activities. It should be encouraged for people to voice out tt they want to see places. If you keep saying 'i prefer anything' or 'I don't mind anything' it makes for a boring person. And it makes me feel guilty for wanting. And I stopped being the typical person who kept saying "anything you want" or " anywhere you go".

Or maybe I am just salivating for a good afternoon nap.

2011-05-23T03:05:00.002+08:00

It irritates me to the core that:

1. Someone expresses the wish to see me but doesn't take the necessary action to do so. All talk and no action... every single time is just... tiring and... not in the spirit of friendship

2. I have to initiate a going out. It really... tires me.

So I'm going to take a rest from asking people out for a while. And if you ask me out I'll consider carefully because time is more expensive than money.

Little notes to self.

2011-05-22T14:49:00.002+08:00

Khairunnisa would like to know about Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.'s life.

Most of them want a guide to becoming a complete woman.

2011-05-19T03:35:00.003+08:00

no rectangles of light.

all the lights in households are switched off,

it is dark all around.

i look out my window

count to twenty

and see one car drive around the corner

for a moment there is noise.

besides the whirring of my fan.

and the tapping of the keyboards

as i type this

unable to fall asleep.

heavy and full

i wish it were my eyelids that were drooping

So that I might sleep.

but they are sore

and I have too many grand ideas popping up.

I must write them down.

For fear they would slip away.

So suddenly and quickly like a fish

I just caught with my bare hands.

I have too many ideas.

And too many thoughts that intrude my thoughts without permission.

When all I really want to do is fall asleep.

But I cannot sleep

and that is why I write.

The blaring alarm of a car goes off and disturbs the frequencies of sound.

I wonder what set it off.

I wonder if the owner knows how his car alarm sound like.

What if they all sound the same?

I want to fall asleep.

But my body clock is so screwed.

2011-05-17T21:42:00.003+08:00

Is it possible?

I do not know how.

But what I do know.

Is that it definitely is not the time yet.

And I need to improve myself in totality.

I need to go to the cafe.

i am totally sinking in pms and spamming my cheerful balm on myself.

Needs Chocolate

2011-05-16T00:08:00.004+08:00

i am cranky like how?

like waiting for tomorrow that comes so slowly.

like the craving for chocolate and finding none in the house.

and it's too late to go out to buy them.

like when I see ants happening to pass by.

but because I took a guide's oath at the age of thirteen,

I am always a guide, even if I was only a guide for two months.

And I swore not to hurt a living soul. Even if they took the form

of a six legged insect.

I think.

like forgetting to take a deep breath.

like wanting to slap back with words

the voices that did not think

the voices that did not feel

the voices that failed to see.

I am cranky why?

because of inefficiency.

because of impudence

and laziness

and because of indifference

like Elie Wiesel said.

the opposite of love is not hate.

it is indifference.

because of qualities I do not

want to

associate with

me.

I am being indifferent now to some

I do not care for some.

It is this stage of indifference.

Just as Elie Wiesel said.

2011-05-12T20:33:00.000+08:00

i am so lazy to do nefmq slides i tell you. why in the world did i sign up for this. the randomest thing i have ever done in my life.

a place where i blabber to myself

2011-05-12T20:26:00.000+08:00

grey area.

grey matter.

going to the holy area.

in mid year.

want to know

what the future holds.

want to know so bad.

difficulty

struggle

will it be better

when tertiary ends.

i better work hard

i better work harder.

so that my family

gets better.

that's the priority.

2011-05-09T22:35:00.002+08:00

SHUUUUCKS I HVNT NOMINATE MY MEMBERS YET LEI.

How what if they aren't nominated at allllll!!!! No no noooo.

& i have Chicken Pox

& Sara Bareilles on the 11th.

AWWWWWWW

2011-05-04T01:32:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulillah. A for 40% of Se2201. Alhamdulillah!

i don't adore cats

2011-05-03T02:48:00.003+08:00

updating wardrobe costs $200 at least. I'm going to fix my old clothes, tear some material away and make them into new ones...

i will clean my room after tomorrow.

i will do my best for exams.

i will not really care about what i get for essay cos it's been done.

i will enjoy my doub choc frappe with Aminah after cabbing home with her hall stuff.

I will make the meeting tmr short and sweet.

I will be happy that semester is over once i get my PAper 3 results back. ARGH SHUX one more for the faint heart.

Nevermind. Whatever it is, I can still do it :D I still deserve a place there and I belong there. So it's fine. I can still do this... just mb I'll bring it up by Year 3.

2011-05-03T01:57:00.001+08:00

haiz.. i just had to get it when it was on a pre-order at a website where everyone goes. But besides that.. it's BEE-YOO-TI-FUL. :D

2011-05-02T23:54:00.004+08:00

We are at that time of our lives where we are our own selves. And being our own selves, we can effectively come together to celebrate life, to support each other when we are stressed with life, to cheer each other on, to reflect about life, to reflect the situation of where we are now. But I hope gathering is not just to relieve the burden of life but an effort to grow through life. Also, I hope that when we gather it becomes stronger so that in the future when we have other commitments, we can still find time, not just time, but a reason to keep this link going strong.

___

It'd would be good if you really do understand that being friends is all that I want. And you seem to understand. Without having awkward feelings between us. Who cares what others imply eh? Sometimes I really would like to have an Abang figure in my life. Sometimes, my cousins come into my life and act like that. But this repressed unknowing feeling, claws itself out of my being without me knowing. And that is how I act. I act like 'I want an Abang in my life can you be it'. But i have never fed it because I've always been the actor, the leader, and the only person I depend on. Instead, I try to provide for others because of this birthright. So I don't know. But now I know.

So for now I only would like the Big Brother roles in my life. I am not ready for the others. Unless you are sincere and knock on my door and ask. Like literally knock on my door.

Thank you for being so kind.

___

and lastly.... though horoscopes are just a bunch of nonsense... but I cannot deny that Zodiacs are quite true! It's so freaky sometimes how it's so true :/

2011-05-02T22:33:00.001+08:00

I take back my desire of minoring in cultural studies. It's so... intangible! You really have to craft something out of social and popular trends.... :/

2011-05-02T16:28:00.005+08:00

1.5 hours more to the application deadline.

Do I even want to join this USP-Piper creative writing workshop?

no cos i don't have confidence.

yes cos i like writing, i want to develop myself further.

yes cos it's only $15.

yes cos it's a good opportunity.

no cos it will eat up holiday time.

no cos, i don't even know what i would do with it?
oh. I wanted to write about somethings.

I always dreamed about writing.

But time and time again, proof comes out saying I'm totally bad at it.

Haizzz.

Ayyo just go apply la woman.

Update: 5.28pm, Applied.

Update: 6.13pm, Applied for MEI conference. Now all that is on the list is to decide which Islamic classes I want to go for. hmmm

2011-05-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

pop culture in southeast asia might pull me down. i don't want to take back my essay to find out I did shits for it :/

2011-04-30T00:19:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry if I told you too much about myself. It seemed okay at that time. And appropriate. But I'm sorry if I produced an undesirable effect on you. I just want us to be friends. Because that is all I can take for now. Even if I want something more, you just have to do it right, in the proper manner, or not do it at all.

2011-04-30T00:19:00.001+08:00

"According to this myth, the gods tie an invisible red string around the ankles of men and women who are destined to be soul mates and will one day marry each other. The two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of time, place or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break."

I could make a funny video out of this.

2011-04-30T00:17:00.001+08:00

"If you try anything, if you try to lose weight, or to improve yourself, or to love, or to make the world a better place, you have already achieved something wonderful, before you even begin. Forget failure. If things don’t work out the way you want, hold your head up high and be proud. And try again. And again. And again."

2011-04-30T00:16:00.001+08:00

"You gradually get over the pain. It doesn’t go away, not for a long time, but it becomes easier to live with. One morning you wake up, and he’s not the first thing on your mind. And then a few months down the line, you realize you’ve made it through half the day without thinking of him. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes years, but eventually you reach a point when you only think about them occasionally. You manage to do this because you don’t see them, you don’t hear about them, and you try not to think about them. And then you bump into them walking down the street, or someone unexpected mentions their name and the memories come flooding back. But memories also become less painful in time."

2011-04-30T00:15:00.001+08:00

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst I think. when the secret stays locked within, not for want of a teller but for an ear."

- Stephen King

2011-04-30T00:14:00.001+08:00

"I’ve always followed my heart instead of my head. I’ve always jumped, always took that leap of faith into the unknown, having no idea of what the outcome of my actions would be. But now, now it’s clear. I need to stop following my heart. I just need to stop, before I do anything at all. I need to stop and think about it, about what I am about to do. I need to think about whether it is right or it is wrong. Because when you follow your heart, you lose track of what’s right and what’s wrong and it tears you apart."

2011-04-29T23:53:00.002+08:00

It is what you do in the absence of others that reflect your true self, for what you do will only be in the eyes of God.

2011-04-29T13:11:00.002+08:00

1. if i major in cnm, i need to take another social science exposure module. hrmm what should i take eh? Geog or Political Science. hahah :)

2. If you ask people to doa for you for something you want, and you doa-ed for it too, shouldn't you try your best to work towards it so you won't dissappoint the both of you? :D

3. H is getting to comfortable. God Help Me.

Finals are FINALLY here.

2011-04-29T01:33:00.003+08:00

You know what, Sociology and Anthropology is so difficult. All these concepts in different manifestations and combinations and permutations. Mind bending I tell you. Studying Popular Culture in Southeast Asia in terms of producers and audience. And how the audience becomes a commodity for producers. And how this shifts again to make the audience the producers instead of the consumers in this relationship. Set against a backdrop of, muay thai, football (as in soccer), k-pop, Sushi, karoake, soap operas, Cantopop, Indonesian cinema, Phillipene and Thai beauty contests, Dick Lee's musical compositions, the mat-minah equivalent in Thailand. All these are very interesting yes but I must think of them in terms of negotiated identities, cultural commodities, financial economy, producer, text, audience, discourse against dominant ideologies. Basically, studying popular culture to understand society, to understand people. Well, it's really not as easy as it sounds like. But is sure interesting.

Believe in your self more, Safiah, you can retain keywords better than you think you can. You can understand lucidly all those vague concepts. You can do this :D

Tmr one whole day of SE1101e, the next morning, exam.

Sleep early, eat well.

2011-04-27T22:51:00.001+08:00

words that have been carefully arranged.

carefully thought off.

moulded and shaped.

trying to think of the words

that can represent what you feel.

you gave one to me.

thank you.

will always treasure it.

Queen Sepia

2011-04-27T19:25:00.001+08:00

Hello. I am headed to Kate and William's Royal Wedding.

What am I? I am a Chinchilla. Friendlier than cats anytime! :D

I'd like a Chinchilla if I had a garden in my house. :)

keyword: change and chance

2011-04-27T00:58:00.002+08:00

2011-04-27T00:54:00.001+08:00

if you gave me one, i would give you one too.

after exams:

2011-04-25T19:03:00.004+08:00

clean up and file away modules.

clean wardrobe and compartmentalize.

fix and sew spoiled clothes.. finish sewing some others.

buy black jeans.

buy new nice casual comfortable versatile shoes.

buy chiffon skirt.

think if i wanna buy that silk shirt. LUST.

Tampines EcoPark

Museum Night Festival

Tuition assignments

Volunteer assignments

NEFMQ 2011 (arghs)

bring Ilhan out more

Chinatown w someone, i wanna source for cute buttons and pin backings, and junk like tt.

learn to cook things that I like without pressure from the mummy.

2011-04-25T14:11:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder... all the readings that we do, all the extended thesis and complications of arguments, though are super wowifying, did they have any salient impact in the real world. hmms.

2011-04-24T23:34:00.001+08:00

major in sea minor in cnm?

major in cnm and minor in sea?

i'll return to this after exams.

humph.

2011-04-24T20:57:00.001+08:00

when do you think i'll get over this?

when i can directly greet you in the face?

when i can approach you first?

since when did I have a problem with approaching people? I have absolutely no problem approaching strangers. But the people I know? I used to know? The people I don't really have anything to talk about? Maybe I don't approach people when I feel nothing good will come out of it?
Hrmm I dunno...

you can always criticize me but sometimes you have to look at yourself and apply that frame of reference to yourself too. what are u criticizing me against dear? Maybe you should be a tad more friendly and less critical. THANKS *barbarella style*

2011-04-24T19:59:00.000+08:00

hahaha I found this here.

I think it's funny! :D

The Study Prayer

Now I lay me down to study,
I pray the Lord I don’t go nutty,
And if I fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord I do not flunk,
And if I die, don’t bury me at all,
Just lay my bones in the study hall,
And pile my books upon my chest,
And tell my profs I did my best,
So now I lay me down to rest,
And pray I pass tomorrow’s test,
And if I die before I wake,
That’s one less test I’ll have to take.

by Denise Figueroa
Northeastern University, School of Law

2011-04-24T18:06:00.002+08:00

I woke up late and I couldn't study. I dislike myself for waking up late. So I went to Tampines 1 and what did I see? Well besides him, I saw sales and sales because of Good Friday. Wait last Friday was... Good Friday is it? And this Friday is... Labour Day? Anw, holidays don't affect me much right. Cos I am on a study break and I am supposed to be studying :D Yesterday was a great study day and so let's repeat that today.

BUT. Topshop had what... 20% discount on that silk shirt and I really want it. 0.0 And 40% discount on 2nd piece. And Cache Cache had 20% storewide discount. AHHH. As much as I am quite the frugal, thinking and thinking over about what I need and what I do not need, can't help thinking about how pretty those pieces are. And how versatile. And how long it would last.

Cache Cache:
Cartoon Cardigans. 2.

Jean shirt. 1.

Topshop:

Silk shirt. 1.

And I still want to buy maxi skirts at Bugis Village.

So. If I had to choose one out of the above pool, I'd buy the silk shirt. Yes.

Oh Safiah, you have got to get some tuition assignments in. ! ! !

Standing out.

2011-04-24T17:39:00.004+08:00

I saw you just now

in a crowd.

You seemed to stand out.

Amongst a group of friends.

But all I saw was your face.

And the dirty green tee shirt you wore.

I stopped.
I froze.

I saw you.

No i did not see you.

I saw your smile.

No.

I saw your teeth,

flashing white.

I saw your eyes.

No.

I saw your eyelashes, covering your eyes

because you were smiling.

All I saw was your eyelashes.

I saw your face.

You've seem to have lost some flesh.

I saw your hair.

The hair that was always stubborn.

That never seemed to sit nicely on your big head.

That had a brain.

I couldn't see that brain.

But I know it was there.

A brain that understood.

The words that I spouted.

But that didn't work at the end.

Which disappointed me.

You looked happy.

I'm glad that you're happy.

You were always happy with your friends.

I saw you.

No i didn't see you.

I only saw an image of you.

I saw an image of you

in a crowd

standing out.

All I saw was your face.

I did'nt see your heart.

I did'nt see your heart anymore.

Gasp.

Panic.

Turned around.

Walked away.

Checked myself.

I walked away...

Trying to forget what I saw.

No.

Not what I saw.

What I did not see.

I did not see your heart anymore.

The heart that belonged to me.

There's a difference between being humble and having low self-confidence.

2011-04-23T23:55:00.004+08:00

There are those times when I read something, or come across something. And I feel so insecure about my life in this world. I get so insecure that I don't believe in where I am now. I don't believe I can succeed in this life even if I am in a good reputable university in Singapore and in Asia. Even when I am in THAT programme. Because I didn't know there was such thing as that kind of strategy. It starts when you pick modules. You have to strategise unless you're a super genius. And I feel like because of this ONE semester... I lost a chance. And I really have to pull it up THIS semester because I'll never get that chance again... and I scare myself thinking of all the chances I am going to lose.

But because writing is a way to make me think through things and to see my thoughts in words. I am going to calm myself right now.

And since this year my motto is to believe in myself. At twenty years old I have to start believing that I've been a survivor and I will always be a survivor.

So it starts now:

Dear Safiah,

it's okay. You've gotten yourself in so many lucky opportunities in the past that many people have not. Maybe it was not your year last year. It is like that when it comes to Rezeki. And there's a reason, there's always a good reason for everything but you may not see it now.

It's okay. There WILL be opportunities for you. Don't worry. You have a knack at attracting them. Because you have always gone for the things you wanted. And sometimes you falter, wanting accompaniment, afraid to venture alone, but you have learnt that it's better to venture alone while you're at this stage of your life anyways. Because waiting for others may drown you, slow you down. May even prevent you, block you from doing what you want and what you like. Don't do the herd mentality thing.

It's okay because you have faith that everything will be turn out more than brilliant in the end if you have Taqwa and if you Iman. If you are always grateful to God for his blessings. Even if whatever you feel now, feels like a struggle, it's actually a blessing. It's a blessing in disguise. And you won't know anything till you're down that road.

It's okay because life is exciting and being here, there's so many opportunities besides academics. It's okay because you're going to make it in the end because I believe in Safiah. I believe in ME. I believe I believe I believe.

And you'll know you make the right decision in the end.
Because good things have happened.

I must be grateful for getting a chance to be a Project Director of something in Year 1. I must be grateful for having a "liberal arts minor". I must be grateful for having that nice person come to me and somehow affect my life in quite a good way in university. He had no reason to continue but I must have made him smile sometimes. And for that I must believe that I can light up someone's life too. That I can touch someone's life too. I must be grateful.

If Ibnur can do it so can I. If Ibnur can get out of this so can I.

(I must forget that Ibnur is a super human also.)

No i shall end this on a good note. I am a super woman too.

Insert's Alicia Key's song.

Take a listen.

& BELIEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D :D :D

2011-04-23T20:24:00.000+08:00

I can do this.

Think of overall trends.

Think of the BIG picture.

Oscillating.

2011-04-23T17:19:00.002+08:00

about if I made the right decision.

Well of course I did!

2011-04-23T13:26:00.001+08:00

Prayer

2011-04-23T13:03:00.007+08:00

Ya Allah,

Please let Dr. Lo not be too strict. The thing is the whole thing was a bit rushed. And the conference was quite screwed. And I did not have anyone edit my paper so I did not have a second opinion. (( EXCUSES EXCUSES)) but I felt so fearful and misguided in this paper.... Ya Allah, please let me get at least a B+ for WCT2101J Sites of Tourism...

But looking at the paper... it's not that bad. It's not as bad as my first paper where I got B- for that essay. Argh...

But I did edit.

And where logic was needed I supplied it.

But still... I don't know what kind of standard he has for this paper. I was clear and clear and clear the whole way just like how he prefers essays to be. ARGH. This is really eating up my insides.

I just have to wait till either mid or end May to get my paper back. I hope he won't be toooo strict. :/

Ok. I shall take the advice of my old friend. I shall take your advice my friend. To leave this behind and worrying means I've done my best. And that's all I can do for now.

So now let's concentrate on doing my best for SE1101 Southeast Asia, A Changing Region and SE2201 Popular Culture in Southeast Asia.

Because I can still change those parts of my grades.

A GO GO GOOOOO!

2011-04-22T21:52:00.001+08:00

hahaha how exciting.

a random stranger

talking on a blank wall

with.

me.

2011-04-22T21:38:00.002+08:00

I feel like telling you everything
talking until
my words aren’t a part of me anymore,
and suddenly they are not my problem
and I am free.

but I'm scared you'll take it wrongly.
like it happened before.

and then I realise, you're like that to everyone.

and I'm the one thinking too much.

yet again.

and then I realise...

it's like that for everyone else too...

but I'm different by virtue, I'm different.

I want to be a friend. I want to be a good friend.

But it's just not meant to be that way.

people come in and out and different periods in your life...

just be thankful that they approached you and came to talk to you.

be thankful that they were in your life.

Grief by Stephen Dobyns

2011-04-22T13:39:00.001+08:00

Trying to remember you
is like carrying water
in my hands a long distance
across sand. Somewhere people are waiting.
They have drunk nothing for days.

Your name was the food I lived on;
now my mouth is full of dirt and ash.
To say your name was to be surrounded
by feathers and silk; now, reaching out,
I touch glass and barbed wire.
Your name was the thread connecting my life;
now I am fragments on a tailor’s floor.

I was dancing when I
learned of your death; may
my feet be severed from my body.

take a deep breath and fly

2011-04-22T13:36:00.001+08:00

2011-04-21T21:31:00.005+08:00

Things that I shall do now before I sleep at 12am, Tuesday 22nd.

1. reply all the emails for the things I wanted to apply for.

a)Piper Creative Writing Course --> pushed to after exams.

b) ~~Middle East Conference~~ something is wrong with the sign up sheet!

2. ~~manage the facebook event thingy for nefmq~~

3. clean room

4. get the things that I wanted to study for Se1101e & se2201 ready for tomorrow.

5. decide if i want to go to Bottle Tree Park tomorrow afternn. YES YES YES! ! !

6. ~~decide if I want to go to the talk at night tmr.~~ Not going.

update; 10.36pm: I went to change my blog design first instead. haha my old friend of a stress reliever :D

2011-04-19T23:57:00.003+08:00

i hate it when music is supposed to unite music lovers but it turns into a competition of who loves the artist of that more.

can't you think of how others love it too? and how others would like to join in appreciating the artist?

or is it just programmed in me to feel too much and care unconditionally?

other than that, I'm beginning to feel pin prick itches all over the top half of my body. I fervently hope it's not the chicken pox. Haiz. If I do get it I'm going to take the medicine that will kill them in one day. Can't afford this seriously. But I don't feel weak or anything. I hope my immunity can kill them off.

2011-04-19T20:27:00.003+08:00

Ilhan has not gone to school for more than a week. First it was eye ear infection. Now it's a suspected case of the Chicken Pox. And I have never had chicken pox too.

I need him to get better because I feel guilty that I have to lock myself in my room and finish this essay and I have to push him out subtly. Also, WHERE IS THE ADIK (younger brother?). He has soccer training that ends at 7.30, he does his work then he goes home. At home he bathes again, then he goes to sleep. I just sure hope he really did his work in school. But a little help here would greatly be appreciated.

I need him to get better because there's not much that he can do at home. Yeah he's sick and I'm busy so that rules out the playground. The only thing I did today was the most productive so far: go through how to spell his name and doing the numbers puzzle. He would enjoy his days more in school. Hais.... things would be different if this was a kampong environment right?

I need him to get better and not have Chicken Pox cos my exam is in a week plus and it will be bad if I get sick between now and then.

So dear God, help me.

2011-04-18T22:15:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah, Thank you Allah! I just received my very first A+ for an essay which is 25% of my SE1101e Southeast Asia, A Changing Region module. The comment goes like this: "An extremely well written and researched paper with really strong sources. Wonderful job!" I still have my exam which is 40% of the grade. I can do this. I can get an A for this module. Come on Safiah!!!!!!

4.1 or higher please please please!!! ><

I must capture that feeling of relief and happiness and keep it in whenever I feel so down down down down.

I still have halfway more to go I can still do this. I can still do this!!!

from ZAHGAF!

2011-04-17T23:43:00.004+08:00

"Seek (beneficial) knowledge, because seeking it for the sake of Allah is a worship. And knowing it makes you more God-fearing; and searching for it is jihad, teaching it to those who do not know is charity, reviewing and learning it more is like tasbeeh. Through knowledge Allah will be known and worshipped." — Ibn Taymiyya

I will remember that. Because a lot of times, studying is inertia. And reviewing is inertia. And there are days wear I get so demoralised when I'm studying and I think I'm the only one. No no, non, tidak, bu shi!

From here:

"My son, when you pray, do it like a person who is bidding farewell to this world, and don’t assume you will have another chance to pray again. My son, know that a believer dies in between two deeds, one he offers for today, where he will get immediate blessings, and the second deed is what he offers towards the day of resurrection, and that is where he will gain the ultimate benefits." — Muadh Ibn Jabal (radiAllahu anhu)

I Got this off frm zahgaf.tumblr.com. And I refuse to re-join tumblr! :Dd

2011-04-17T19:54:00.002+08:00

Mr Yeo taught me not to work on weekends.
Weekends is 'me' time and 'family' time.

Because of this, I can never work properly during the weekends.

May Allah grant me a full 100% recharge now so that I can start working properly tomorrow.

And Alhamdulillah, Doc Lo has extended the deadline by a full 8hours.

Camping at NUS lib/ NLB starts tmr :)

Bismillah.

I must not lose faith in myself and I pray for others to have faith in me too. I hope my family can show me support because they think I can do fine by my own...

Observation About This Self

2011-04-17T03:03:00.002+08:00

1. Increasingly, I find that I feel unhappy and unsatisfied when I indulge in aimless lepaking. Where there is no clear direction, or set direction to achieve something like taking my mind off things, or to foster the bonds between friends. I like bonding over eating. And I like bonding while doing meaningful activities like going to new places. But I don't like bonding over just talking. I don't really like spending/investing my time with things that are not valuable. Talking about things that you can't remember the following week.

2. When something bad happens to me, I think it's okay to grieve and complain a little. But then I will believe and hope and have faith that there will be something good comes out of it in the end.

3. I find myself getting stronger in saying 'No' and just getting up and leaving.

4. I am still gravitating towards a state where my soul will feel more complete.

2011-04-16T00:20:00.002+08:00

What I try to do is not to give any significance to things like those. I try to put up a brave face. Feign ignorance. Pretend I did not see. But people say I look blur when I do that. Because when you ignore you don't have to take action. It's good to ignore potentially bad things but definitely don't ignore the things that you need to take action. What I mean is things that can lead you to sinful behaviours. Things like when someone is obviously flirting with you. You stop yourself from reacting or calling out that behaviour because you don't want to make it awkward and because you are not ready to get into a relationship with anyone at this stage. So I behave in that way, the middle way. A way that says " I like being your friend and a good friend at that but beyond that I leave to Allah and I don't want to have anything now anyways". And I keep asking God to guide me and to help me be strong. Because sometimes, when you love a brother or a sister because of Allah, you don't take action. And that's it. You'll feel better when you do that. Your strength and persistence show how much you love your friend. And if he does not realise it or she, then it's okay, it's fine, you tell youreself, because Allah knows. And that is all that matters.

2011-04-16T00:14:00.001+08:00

I am sorry.

if you were affected.

2011-04-15T02:12:00.002+08:00

girl:

men should be more careful with their words

saying things like 'dear' carelessly,

a few times is fine.

but saying it repeatedly, after phrases like

'sleep well', 'take car', 'study hard'

boy:

girls think too much.

it's just a word.

it's easy to type on the keyboard.

it's convenient

girl:

i told him that it's too much

that i don't like it.

let's see what happens.

boy:

she told me she doesn't like it.

Ok I'll call her 'Saf'.

girl:

well now i voiced out. i couldn't take it.

it feels better now.

I feel less uncomfortable

boy:

I'm going online.

Hey I see Saf.

I'm going to talk to her.

It's been a while since I last saw her.

...

'Sleep well dear'

girl:

What is this? I thought I told asked him not to say that?
should i tell him again.

or is it making a mountain out of a molehill?

if i point it out will i create something out of nothing?

will I flesh out the subconscious?

will I repeat the past?

I just don't want it to happen.

I don't want anything to happen.

It's comfortable like this now.

You're a comfortable friend.

And we'll stay like that.

Is all.

Is fine and good.

I shall not say anything.

Even though I recall you saying that you prioritise fondness.

It's clear you have become fond of me.

But it does not mean anything.

It does not mean anything you understand.

It's better like.

And you'll stop there

boy:

what's happening?

2011-04-14T10:53:00.002+08:00

i want to nominate the following people for exco:

1. Aminah

2. Ainul

3. Hafiz

4. Hudz

5. Rahiem

6. Hamdan

7. Sarah

8. Sarafina

2011-04-14T10:45:00.002+08:00

Why must technology just FAIL YOU at important times?

HAISH.

and I hate getting into trouble in school. even though to many people this is not trouble. buy howells. i guess i like the low profile range. :/

2011-04-14T01:52:00.000+08:00

I just want to know what you think of me.

It bugs me that I don't know.

And over all these years I want to know what my friends truly think of me too.

But they are less than romantic and can't write it down on paper to tell me properly.

I'd like to know what they like best about me and what they hate most.

that'd be interesting.

2011-04-14T00:32:00.004+08:00

Argh. The LOW is so utterly strict and straight isn't he. And so uptight about himself.

He has a ring through his ear.

And he wears colourful shirts.

And he is a bit plump.

And he has small eyes.

And he talks pompously, actually.

And I can imitate the way he talks.

But he laughs and smiles too.

One time, he scolded me for taking notes using my iPhone.

Come on move on with the times.

People take digital notes nowadays.

Especially with my horrible handwriting.

Typing on the laptop, with the noisy plonky keys on the keyboard.

Is permissible.

But the silent keys of the iPhone is not?

ARGH.

ARGH.

But if I was him, I would still forgive a student.

Because a student makes mistakes.

And I was never rude to him.

I come on time for every single thing class and conference.

Well at least before the semester started to take a toll on me.

He totally spoiled my day.

If he were to say that I missed that folder.
Then I could argue that he missed my email.

We all miss things in life. Especially when it's on the computer

And when we are tired.

Well.

At least, this was not my final draft.

why must he make me so damn malu when i don't even really did anything WRONG.

ayysh.

I feel like Shafiq when he was bullied by those guys & Martin.

2011-04-12T18:36:00.000+08:00

San Francisco Street Style by Mellie Marchesa featuring leather shoulder bags

Cashmere cardigan
$1,040 - net-a-porter.com

Sandro lace tee
$315 - net-a-porter.com

Long skirt
$594 - shoplesnouvelles.com

Black patent leather boot
27 GBP - dressrail.com

Alexander Wang leather shoulder bag
750 GBP - fashionbeans.com

Ribbon hat
$38 - amazon.com

A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.
$26 - tradingphrases.com

Z Gallerie - Wine Signs - Set of Five - Free Shipping
$150 - zgallerie.com

2011-04-11T21:19:00.002+08:00

haish. i really want A. but B is getting too close.

HOW.

Everytime I think that it's better to move away. But these people do not know that it's better to dive in for what you want. So we must give the hints is it? But I am too shy.

I wish I knew what was really going on in all these minds.

I wish I knew what you meant by that fading of a smile.

I wish I knew if you really recognised me behind this frame.

I wish I knew why you sent me that again.

I wish you would wait for me

I wish you would find me.

I wish I would stop wishing

and focus on what's necessary.

2011-04-05T02:37:00.003+08:00

what is the meaning of friendship when the one time i felt wholly understood, it turned superbly good and then i lost it. it can never be brought back.

what is the meaning of friendship when I give support but am not supported in return

what is the meaning of friendship when I put up some walls whenever you're around

what is the meaning of friendship when I need you but you're not there

what is the meaning of friendship when you come when I least expect it

what is the meaning of acquaintance when you fill my nights with conversation....and then disappear.

what is the meaning of friendship with all these venn diagrams defining many groups of friends

what is the meaning of friendship with empty promises and fake smiles and laughter and hugs

what is the meaning of friendship with the fact that there is only one who truly knows me more than I know yourself but the world stops us from seeing each other.

what is the meaning of friendship when I only feel that you're obliged to meet, not because you want to.

what is the meaning of friendship when if you could choose, there will only be 10 people close to you. what happens to the rest.

What is the meaning of friendship when you come when I needed someone, when you come in quietly, subtly, without callig loud brash attention to yourself, without me even realising...

What is the meaning of this.......?

2011-04-05T02:19:00.001+08:00

I'd like to say thank you.

You taught me so many things.....

You were a scraped knee while learning how to ride a bike.

Letters.

taking it apart

2011-04-05T02:17:00.002+08:00

it doesn't matter, because I'm here... and you're there.

it doesn't matter, because I'm here... and you're not.

it doesn't matter, because the ones that I need are here.

it doesn't matter, because I need me to be here.

it doesn't matter anymore, because God is all that I've got.

2011-04-05T02:13:00.002+08:00

Dear World,

I want that one. No that one. No that one. But they're all nice. Some don't look nice but they definitely taste nice... on the insiiiide.

I give up. I close my eyes and point. And I hope I chose the right one. Because then, that's fate isn't it. :D

Life is a box of chocolates, pretty chocolates.

2011-04-03T00:34:00.002+08:00

Hello.
I write because I want to remember today.

Today was supposed to be Kamal's birthday. I wanted to meet up with the guys because meeting up last week was very fun. It was therapeutic. It was something that made me happy and something to help me keep my week going. I wanted to meet them and just eat somewhere and talk. Talking things that we don't have to use too much of our brains to do. Though sometimes I don't like it, it's really healthy as a weekly event.

So today we went to Bedok Point. I brought Ilhan along. I suspected something wrong with him then already. I changed him to nice clothes and then got ready. While waiting for me, he lay down on the mattress. He looked sleepy and moody. I didn't think it was normal but I thought he was just tired out from the morning.

When I reached Bedok, I was early. Farshad and me waited at the bus stop and then we moved to Bedok Library. When Fazari and Azrul arrived we went to Bedok Point. But Manhattan suffered a power outage. So we ate at Gong Cha and then The Chicken Rice Shop. We split the bill. Honey BBQ was nice. Ilhan seemed to enjoy himself with Fazari. But I felt rimas. And so did Azrul.

After that, Bapak came to pick Ilhan up & bring him home and send us to Tampines. Faz had some vouchers and wanted to spend it on dessert. So we went to Swensons'. I expected us to share ice cream but Faz decided to buy an ice cream cake instead. It's been a long time since I ate ice cream cake! We chose cookies & cream. We got a complimentary sundae too because it was "my birthday" hahaha! And 2 fries. :D I love Swensons' fries.

After Maghrib, we went to MBS. Shafiq drove us there with his parent's car. MBS is really big. And I doubled up and made observations for my Paper 3. We watched the fountain show. That was something. There was fire and water mists and music and colours. But I felt like I was at a NDP. Sarah came after a lot of camwhoring. And she gave me biscuits from Marks' and Spencers'. Oh Sade gave me a file and a notebook. I was eyeing the file previously on a seperate occasion. We haven't seen each other a lot.

So that was today. Almost 10 hours out. HAHA. :x

I have one paper due on Wednesday.

Presentation on Friday.

First draft of Paper 3 due the following Tuesday.

Presentation for that Wednesday

Another Paper due that Friday.

And a paper due the following Thursday.

Allright, out of the above, only the second one is not graded.

InshaALlah, I will do good. I need clarity and inspiration. Motivation and drive. :D I need health.

And ah well. Seriously.

It's ok.

I know who I am and that's more important. :D

2011-04-01T13:44:00.001+08:00

the balance.

maintaining the middle path.

it's hard you know.

& I always thought it was easy not to be extreme.

2011-04-01T13:33:00.001+08:00

Hello.

I'm in the USP room.

I am assuming that everyone here is super smart.

So I must run faster.

But I'm not. I felt that I rested for a week.

I must run faster.

This stretch is not done yet.

2011-03-31T10:41:00.001+08:00

Gna stay in uTown Cinnamon College next semester.

Gna pay $4/day for my meals.

Thank God! :D

Travelling to and fro is soooo tiring.

2011-03-31T02:01:00.003+08:00

& i guess that phrase was a lie.

& i acknowledge i was something.

but i it's nothing anymore isn't it.

Or maybe you forgot and that buzz is you.

2011-03-31T01:58:00.000+08:00

I don't care. One day I'm going to take a Creative Writing Course.