in her eyes, everything I do is wrong.

whatever happened to the simply joy of being

'just friends'.


haiz.

Hope you get my subliminal message.

whenever I feel that urge,

I shall pick up a book and read.


whenever I feel that urge to talk,

I shall pick up a book and read.


I don't know how to do this.

I only want to do it in the right way.

It always starts out innocently. Then it becomes an uncontrollable monster.

Oh God, help me always.

where do I start?

with the person across the street? the street where all the trees have been cut away. bare like the skin of a shameful sinful suntanner on a scorching beach. to give way to the underground vehicle which is supposed to raise the value of real estate of my land.


with this intense feeling of not wanting this to happen...trying to repel myself but then becoming attracted to the one I thought I wouldn't? not minding but minding at the same time. feeling like a hypocrite all the time? I'm still human. & a very weird and special one at that.


with walking home and passing by the flags at Tampines Junior College, where 3 years ago.... a special connection travelled through the fields of electrons and protons, the nothingness of matter made the heart sparkle. the presence moved on.

with a new start of a new semester? moving on from the December that was full of....monstrosity?

A changed me.

I thought I could talk to you. Maybe you didn't see the urgency in my voice. Maybe people do think that I am superwoman, able to handle it all. I thought maybe you would respond.

but as I learn in Vampire Diaries, the true friends are those who stick with you even when you've become an uncontrollable, unconscious monster. Maybe I'm not one of those. At least I tried.

Maybe it's a situation beyond saving anything. Dissapointment fills me up now.

the need

the soul.
alone forever.